I spent the last month digging deeper into the meaning of peace and how it can impact my life. I don’t want my word of the year to be a cliche or part of a social media trend. I want it to mean something; to transform me daily. It is evident with everything going on in the world that peace is needed all around us. During a time of war and increasing discourse peace is the key to unlocking us out from a destructive cycle. And nowhere is it more evident than in our personal relationships. This is true for the relationships we hold with family, at work, or where we live.
I’ve heard it said that while we all have immeasurable value the quality of our lives is directly correlated by our relationships. If we consider this truth in light of our desire for community we must recognize the need for peace just as we recognize the reality of conflict. Relationships are messy and the way we handle them can either make us or break us. I recently mended a personal relationship that created pain for multiple years. These are my 3 personal lessons when seeking peace.
Peace acknowledges pain
It’s easy to correlate pain with conflict, but more than anything we need to acknowledge it. In my recent experience I could not remember what I did wrong but I knew exactly what it had been done to me. Acknowledging pain for both sides was a key to peace.
I’ve learned that it is possible for pain to originate from unintentional acts or claims. Still, accepting the existence of pain shows empathy and gives peace a chance.
Peace always empathizes
It would be easy for me to claim my hurt feelings and scarred memories as more important, but for peace to flourish it needs to recognize pain on both sides. I saw this in my own experience as instead of choosing to be right in my argument I choose to understand.
Seeking understanding doesn’t take away the pain but it opens the door for empathy to be reflected on the other person. That is when healing begins.
Peace allows for redeeming
Relationships can be messy and one important aspect I’ve learned from conflict management is that healing doesn’t necessarily mean reconciliation. This is especially true with toxic relationships. What we should be looking for is redemption.
In my recent experience redemption has been rich in opportunities to reconnect and further understand the other side. Whether that leads to a stronger connection or not that is okay as ultimately kindness allows peace to be sustainable moving forward.
I share these lessons not because I have it all figured out. I share it because they have truly made me a better man and I’m still learning and growing. Since conflict can happen all around us in what ways do you seek peace? I would love to hear about it.
David Marques 